Slavery and Legos, All in One Day

The_Lego_Movie_posterYesterday, I fulfilled a lifelong dream and I didn’t even have to plan it.

Seeing two movies in one day just worked out without much maneuvering.

I have been trying to get to see the movie 12 Years a Slave for weeks. But I live in a certain part of New Jersey that tends to favor RoboCop, which you can find playing at the four major theaters close by, over important movies confronting our country’s history of racism and slavery, which is playing at exactly one theater, twice daily.

And one of those times is after 9 p.m. and I can promise you I could never go to a movie that started that late – I’d be asleep in my popcorn by the end of the trailers.

I have to be honest: Initially I didn’t even really want to see 12 Years a Slave. I had read and heard about the brutality depicted in the movie and just didn’t know if I could deal with it.

So when my friend, Susan, and I decided to sneak away to see it in the middle of yesterday afternoon, we kind of joked on the ride to the movie theater that it was going to be like eating our vegetables for society. A veritable Brussels sprout of a movie.

So it turns out, boo hoo for fucking us. As another friend had noted when we ran into each other in the CVS parking lot in town last week and I told her my reluctance to see the movie, she answered, “It’s a movie everyone should be required to see.”

And she was right.

It was often hard to watch and totally intense the entire two hours and 14 minutes – really, not one glimmer of any levity other when it briefly shows the main character’s home life prior to being kidnapped and sold into slavery.

This is no Roots. No slaves are getting married and jumping over brooms.

They are beaten and raped and treated like animals.

Susan and I walked out of the theater a bit stunned when it was over with another couple – a husband and wife – who had met us there.

“Remind me never to join you girls for a movie again,” joked the husband to the three of us ladies standing kind of dazed in the theater lobby.

“I’m going to go home and drink a bottle of wine after that,” said Susan, and I had wished I could join her, but I had other plans.

In order to swing the mid-day Saturday afternoon movie, I had arranged for my little guy to hang out with friends and then meet up with them at another movie theater down the highway to see the The Lego Movie 3-D. 

If there ever was an antidote for the slavery experience, it’s Will Ferrell playing an evil Lego.

Will Ferrell as Lord Business.

Will Ferrell as Lord Business.

The movie is very cute, especially if your kids – like mine – spent hours and hours of their childhood building Lego creations and have bins and bins of the little plastic pieces still sitting in your basement, just in case someone gets the urge to build a spaceship.

But even though I am really good at just sitting and doing nothing for hours on end, I felt a little antsy by the end of the movie. And seeing two movies back-to-back kind of took away from each of them.

You couldn’t really digest what just happened. Or at least that’s how I operate. I’m a muller.

So there is was, a dream-come-true day filled with slavery and Legos (oh, and I did find lots of wine in the end).

Wondering what else was going on here last week? Let me help.

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600px-Hello_my_name_is_sticker.svgMrs. X

When I was in the end stages of my divorce a few years ago and struggling with whether I shouldreclaim my maiden name, my college roommate advised against it.

“What are your kids’ friends going to call you?” she asked, and went on to explain how her high school boyfriend’s mom was always Mrs. Whatever, even though she and her husband had been divorced for ages.

“You’ll always be Mrs. X,” she said. (READ MORE … )

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photo-9Are You a Goodreader?

In my semi-​​retirement, when I am not eating or thinking about eating or making lists of things I’d like to be eating, I find I am catching up on things I was never able to get around to while I had a job.

Things I just didn’t have the time to do. (READ MORE … )

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photo-10Flat Abs! Great Sex! And Other Lies We’re Sold

My 11-​​year-​​old son looked at me not long ago while we were sitting in our kitchen and said,“Mom, you should get flat abs.”

He had just been looking at the recent issue of Women’s Health sitting on the counter that I had picked up in theory for its recipes but in reality because of the picture of Heidi Klum on its cover and the FLAT ABS NOW! that screamed alongside her and her bared and toned tummy. (READ MORE … )

Netflix Fever

My Grey Gardens set up in my bedroom where I like to watch Netflix. A lot.

My Grey Gardens set up in my bedroom where I like to watch Netflix. A lot.

I am totally sick.

But never fear, I’ve been through this kind of thing before.

The symptoms usually come on quietly at first.

I’ll find myself lying on my bed in the middle of the day for a spell and before I know it, three hours have slipped by and it’s time to make dinner.

Pretty soon, whole weekend days – nice, sunny days – are spent alone in my darkened room.

Do I have a fever? Negative.

Am I depressed? Nah, although I am a little down on myself lately for wasting many perfectly good hours that could have been used for more productive purposes – like food shopping, perhaps, or paying my bills. Writing content for my blog would be nice, too.

Instead, I am addicted to yet another TV series that I am inhaling in two- and three-hour increments in the comfort of my bedroom courtesy of Netflix.

My kids bought me a Roku for my birthday, which my daughter skillfully hooked up to the TV in my room, so now I don’t have to access Netflix through the Wii in our family room or on my laptop if I want to remain lying on my bed and fulfill my Grey Gardens destiny. (Among my beautiful Roku’s many tricks, I can also access shows and movies through Amazon, Hulu Plus, HBO 2 Go and listen to Pandora, to boot.)

“I’m never going to leave my bedroom,” I said to the kids when I opened my birthday present.

“That’s what we’re hoping,” one of them told me. Oh, how we dislike each other come August each year.

My obsession du jour is the steamy ABC drama “Scandal,” which I totally ignored for two seasons but then the non-stop hype over the star Kerry Washington – culminating in a Vanity Fair cover story this summer – was more than I could bear. So in the interest of being well-versed in all-things-pop-culture, I got onboard last week and started watching Season 1.

And by now, I’ve said adios to about 20-odd hours of my life as I am now tearing through Season 2 and marveling at Olivia Pope’s drop dead wardrobe – you should see the fabulous mix of drapey silks and cashmere basics she wears in gorgeously-soft neutrals – and the actress’s ability to get all lip-quivery and teary by both the threat of public recrimination or the advances of her super-hot boyfriend president.

It’s a little bit like eating box of Cheez-Its: totally salty, you know you should stop but you just need a little bit more.

Prior to my imaginary stay in the cutthroat world of D.C. politics, I spent the earlier part of the summer in a women’s prison in Connecticut while savoring the 13 episodes of Netflix’s newest series, “Orange is the New Black.”

The characters are so rich and complex, and their back stories are so compelling, that it more than makes up for some of the pretty raunchy moments that may give prudish viewers pause. And the creator is the same woman who came up with “Weeds” and I mean, who didn’t have a crush on Nancy Botwin at some point?

I also spent some time this summer slowly making my way through “Arrested Development,” which has me legit bursting out laughing a few times each episode. It’s all so ridiculous. Like, neverernude? C’mon.

I got hooked when my oldest set up camp in the den, which is right across from where I work at the kitchen table, during the week he had off between the end of spring semester and the start of his summer job.

I couldn’t see the television as he cranked through the early “Arrested Development” seasons that rainy week, but I could hear some of the insane things the characters would say – like the mother, Lucille Bluth, telling one of her adult kids, “You’re my third least-favorite child,” or saying to her daughter, “I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.”

After listening to a marathon of episodes over that week I knew I needed to go back and watch the craziness for myself. My whole family has gotten on board with the show by now and I’ve even caught the 10-year old watching episodes on his mini iPad via Netflix. He and I even had an “Arrested Development” marathon one night last week, which I know is an insanely inappropriate show for a little boy to watch, but he’s the fourth and I’m tired. And he really is my little Buster.

Over the last 12 months I’ve whiled away countless hours binging on “House of Cards,” “Game of Thrones” and “Breaking Bad,” while the world went on without me. And I think I’m one of the 10 people that watched all 13 episodes of Netfix’s wildly-panned horror series “Hemlock Grove,” which I did over the course of one weekend last spring. (What can I say? I’m a sucker for monsters.)

In the meantime, I’m supposed to be reading Middlemarch for my book club and writing a book of my own.

But who has time? I’ve got to get through the last 9 episodes of “Scandal” and make sure Oliva and Fitz are back together going into Season 3.  And I am thinking about revisiting all 5 seasons of “Friday Night Lights” and totally need to catch up on “True Blood.”

No wonder there’s no food in the house.

What’s on your DVR or waiting in your Netflix queue?  Your secret is safe with me. Shhhh.