Okay, now I get it.
For the longest time, I’ve been trying to figure out where they were, the guys my age. At least the ones who weren’t married and were straight.
As many of you may remember, I’ve spent a little time dabbling on Match.com. I say “dabble” because I’ve gone ahead and created a profile, uploaded photos and exchanged a few emails with dudes and ultimately went on exactly one date. And it was totally meh.
But of all the emails, favorites and winks I’ve received on the dating web site, none of them are from men in their 40s. I’m plenty popular with the young guys in their 30s and the older dudes in their 50s and 60s, but men born around the same time as me are scarce.
Now I know why.
The guys my age are trying to date 80-year-old Florence fucking Henderson.
That explains everything.
That explains why I not only don’t get any emails, winks, nods, pokes or whatever from 40-year-old men on Match, but when I actually send messages to men my age who don’t look like they want to keep me in a cage in their basement in Queens, I get no response.
And of course there is the possibility that the notes I’m sending are perceived as weird, my profile boring (one man did observe that it seemed I really liked to watch TV), my pictures are ugly or I have too many kids.
I get that.
But today, I am going with the notion that they’re just too busy trying to get it on with Carol Brady.
That’s the better story.