I am a world-class procrastinator. Really, don’t even try to compete with me. You won’t stand a chance.

I’m awesome at rationalizing why I should fold the laundry and make my bed and wipe the kitchen counters before sitting down to write. And chronic indecisiveness often results in a stack of papers collecting in a giant bowl on my kitchen counter and fences still crushed in my backyard 18 months after Hurricane Sandy blew through here.

And my inability to focus on certain tasks at hand has me wondering lately if I suffer from an undiagnosed case of ADD. Except in this case, my squirrel is Facebook. 

So it’s pretty remarkable that I’ve been able to resist all of those stupid quizzes I see on Facebook all the time. You know, the ones that are going to help me determine which state I should live in or what color in the rainbow I’d be or some shit. I think I did one once, like which Arrested Development character I’d be, and swore off those time sucks after that.

Apparently, my oldest daughter is open to these time wasters, as evidenced by our exchange last night.

My phone, lying on the nightstand next to my head, dinged with a text coming in as I was falling asleep and I saw it was from her and I picked it up to read her message.

“Just wanted to let you know that Oprah will be playing you in a movie about my life,” she wrote, and I read the accompanying photo of the quiz results snapped on her laptop screen.

Apparently, Oprah will play me in the movie version of my daughter’s life.

I started laughing like crazy and wrote back, “Probably the funniest thing ever.”

“I’m almost died,” she answered.

But actually, it’s perfect because not long ago, my other daughter told me she’d like Beyonce to play her in the movie version of my life, so Oprah’s presence will make that casting decision much more plausible.

But don’t think I don’t love learning that all my cursing and wine drinking serves as an inspiration for the girl or that it’s making the world a better place.

You’re welcome.

Who would play your mom in the movie about your life?